This Is What It Truely Means To Be Loved
by Gaara's-Bloody-Panda
Summary: When you're caught up in your work, you don't realize that you're hurting the one most precious to you. And when you do, it may already be too late.


This one-shot is dedicated to Toshiros-Snow-Demon as a birthday present. Please read it all the way through and review at the end. Thanks!

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**This Is What It Truly Means To Be Loved**

"What do you want!" I screamed at Toshiro. He was chasing me through the forest.

"I want you to stop. Please, don't do this." he answered. He sped up and grabbed my hand. At the same time, I tripped over a tree root that was hidden in the undergrowth. We both went tumbling and rolling downhill and stopped within a foot of the cliff side. We had reached the edge of the forest where the angry sea met the battered cliff side.

Toshiro grabbed my other hand and pinned it, along with the other one, to the mossy forest floor. "Let me go Toshiro!" I screamed, trying to writhe out of his grip.

"No! Not until you listen to me!"

"Why should I?" I screamed, tears starting to blur my vision. "You've lied to me so many times before. You expect me to believe whatever you're about to say now?"

"I wasn't lying to you. I've never lied to you. I swear." He said in a sad voice. He was trying to make me understand.

"Liar!" I screamed as angry and sad tears started leaking from my eyes. "Stop lying to me and leave me alone. You've hurt me enough Toshiro. Just let me be!" I struggled to get loose from him again, but despite him being the same size as me, he was stronger and pinned me down firmly.

"Stop this Kimarah." he sobbed. It pained him to have to be so cruel to keep me pinned down like this. "Stop being like this and let me talk."

"Why don't we just skip the explanation and you can go back to your precious Rangiku." I suggested angrily, turning my head away from him.

"Rangiku is only me detective partner Kimarah. I've told you this a hundred times. She is a common friend and nothing more. You are the one that is most precious to me because you're the one that I love. How can I get you to believe that's the truth?" He asked painfully. I was causing him pain. I didn't like causing him pain, but he was causing me pain as well.

"If you love me so much, then how come you're always going over to her house and coming back late? You even came home drunk once. You expect me to believe that you're not having an affair with her Toshiro? Do you really think I'm that stupid?" It hurt so much. My heart ached so badly I thought it would explode.

"Yes, I know I'm always going over to her house, but that's only because we're working on our cases we're assigned. I would have Rangiku come over to our place, but I'm a private detective and nothing can be leaked out." He explained, desperate to make me understand.

"Sounds to me like you love your work more than me." I spat out, throwing in more full to the fire.

"I do love my job, but I came after you didn't I? I'm here, now, trying to get you back when I could have chose to continue working."

I looked at his eyes that I loved so much and cried. "Which do you love more? Your job, or me?" I knew that this was selfish and underhanded, and I purposely asked him that to push him away.

He was shaking his head and looking at me. His salty tears fell onto my cheeks and mixed with my own. "No, no, no. Don't ask me that please." he sobbed. "Don't make me choose. Don't do this to me Kimarah pleases." He was outright sobbing. I had never in my life seen a man sob as Toshiro was doing right now and it just tore me apart inside.

I sobbed along with him from the pain it was causing. "I asked you the question," I cried. "now answer it." But I already knew the answer.

"Don't. Please." He cried into my shoulder. We were both weak from the pain we were causing each other.

"Choose Toshiro." I ordered through my tears.

"Stop it." he begged. "Why are you doing this to me?" He finally looked at me and his expression just shattered my world. That face would haunt me for as long as I lived. It was engraved into my head. "You know how much I love my job Kimarah. And you know exactly how much I love you. And now you're telling me to choose?" he sobbed. "Do you have any idea how much this is hurting me?"

I just looked away again in shame. "You're tearing me to pieces Kimarah. Please, stop trying to push me away from you." Toshiro now had my arms pinned to his chest as he hugged me tightly.

"You knew." I cried softly into his ear. "You knew I said that on purpose. To push you away."

He hugged me tighter. "Of course I knew. Because I remember you saying that you would never ask me that question. You said you hated that question." I leaned into him as he hugged me and we were both silent for a long time.

"Kimarah," he said, breaking the silence. "I'm still going to work as a private detective, but I'm not going to keep causing you pain." He looked at me with warm eyes that said nothing but 'I love you' and ran the back of his hand along my cheek before holding my face. I leaned into his warm caress.

"I love you enough to let you go Kimarah" He said. I looked at hi eyes in sudden shock and held the hand that was touching my face. With both hands, I held onto him.

"What are you you saying? You don't want me?" I asked, the shock evident in my voice.

"No. I do want you. I love you. But I also don't want to lock you up. You're still young Kimarah, twenty-one. You're beautiful, smart, intelligent. You'll be able to find someone better for you. Someone who can spend weekends and nights with you. Someone who'll hold you when you're feeling sad or lonely. You'll find someone better than me Kimarah. You'll find someone who you can live a happy life with. If you stay with me, I won't be able to give you the happiness that you deserve." He said with a sad, but very caring face.

"Toshiro," I started to cry again.

"Shhshh..." He wiped away the tears with his gentle fingers. "Don't cry Kimarah. I'm choosing to give you happiness."

"But what about you?" I asked. "What will happen to you?" He kissed my forehead tenderly.

"I'll continue to work and I'll always love you. You're the only one whom I'll ever love." He kissed me one last time on the forehead, sealing his promise to only love me.

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13 YRS Later~

A thirty-eight year old man stood in the cold mid-winter air before a gravestone. His long black trench coat was blowing along with the harsh winter winds, which made it even colder than it already was.

_In memory of_

_Kimarah Jaguerjaques_

_1995-2029_

_Age 34_

"It was a car accident." said a voice beside him. The short man looked up at the taller blue haired man and gave a weak smile.

"I know. I was sent to investigate the details."

"Papa," A blue haired little girl said, tugging on the blue haired man's pant leg. The girl was three or four. "We need to give mama her cake and flowers." She had beautiful blue eyes.

"Where's you brother? Toshiro has the flowers." He said, kneeling down. " You can give mama the chess cake. It'll make her happy. I bet she's dying to have some." He gave the little girl a small black and white box that held the cake.

The little girl took the box and place it by her mother's picture, then she turned around with her hands on her hips. "Hurry up Toshiro. Mama wants her flowers."

"I'm coming. Don't rush me." called a boy's voice. The white haired man turned around to look at the boy. The boy was about ten years of age and had white hair, like his mother. His eyes were the same blue as the little girl's.

"I will rush you because mama wants her flowers." The little girl started stalking towards her brother, but was held back when her father grabbed the back of her coat.

"No you don't. No fighting when we're visiting mama."

"But papa..." she whined.

"No." He told her. Then there was a sudden burst of laughter from the white haired man and the small family all turned to look at him.

"Haha... I was right to let her go." he mused to himself, looking at the grey sky. The family of three were looking at him strangely.

"Gimmie those." The little girl snatched the flowers from her brother who had finally reached them and quickly put them next to the cake. "There you go mama. You have your pretty flowers now."

"Hey little girl," the man said, reaching into his pocket and crouching down to her level. "Can you give these to your mom too?" He held out his hand and gave the little girl two beaded bracelets.

"Yeah mister. I'll give them to mama." She set them down next to the cake and went back to her dad.

"Were you a friend of Kimarah's?" The blue haired guy asked, standing up with the little girl in his arms.

"I guess you could say that, but really, I'm the one who set her free." He smiled at the family and turned to leave.

"Hey! What's your name?" the man asked.

The man with white hair looked at the sky, then at the man and his kids. "Toshiro. Toshiro Hitsugaya."

"I'm Grimmjow Jaguerjaques." Toshiro smiled again, waved good bye, and walked away with the winter wind. Just as the lakes froze over with ice, so too did his heart. It would be forever frozen for the only spring he had was Kimarah Uaso. He would forever be frozen in an eternal winter wonderland.

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I cried when I wrote this story. I hoped that everybody like it. My goal was to touch people emotionally, so tell me if I suceeded or failed and please review. Oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY VV!


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